Two months ago, I boarded a plane and crossed the Atlantic Ocean to my home away from home for the next year: Oxford, England. I was excited for my internship, yet I didn’t know a single person there. But, as soon as I entered, I got a feeling of being in another world. The city’s permanence, with its imposing buildings immersed in an atmosphere that somehow feels both ancient and young, surprised me as I dragged my luggage across cobblestones. Although moving across the world (or even to a new city) is always a leap, the shift felt more like a free fall for me as an introvert.
While some think that introverts are antisocial or shy away from housemates, that isn’t the whole truth. Although I might find loud gatherings draining, I excel in smaller settings, like an impromptu kitchen conversation or a late-night pub trip. For introverts like me (and perhaps like you), connection is more about quality than quantity.
Starting something new, like university or a job, can feel daunting for introverts, but living with others often eases the transition. The urge to choose a solo apartment is strong when you’re used to your own routines and value your alone time. However, living alone may make any big life change feel more lonely. If you’re able, look for a shared living space or flatshare. Living with strangers may seem horrific, but it can make a new city feel like home faster than you’d expect.
Moving in with three strangers made me nervous. I was worried about whether we’d click, if tension would develop over little things or whether we’d just avoid each other for the next 12 months. On top of that, coming from a completely different country added another layer of anxiety. I wasn’t just adjusting to new people, but also to a new culture, different customs and unfamiliar routines. But what actually happened was that my housemates — two students from England and one from Scotland — became my built-in support system, daily conversation partners and first friends in this city.
The hardest part was feeling like I had no one around who truly understood me or shared my experiences. Over the past few weeks, having people around softened every typical “new person” issue. I had prepared myself for loneliness and homesickness, but I overcame those feelings faster than I thought. Everything we did together felt organic. We turned trips to the Tesco supermarket into a group effort, food prep into family-style dinners and the ride home into day debriefs.
As an introvert, I was surprised by how the city seemed less frightening when I saw familiar faces. Sharing a space means there’s someone to cook dinner with, to watch a show with or talk about the weirdness of the British postal system. These moments make a new city feel less foreign, even in the simplest ways. I realized that having someone to share both the mundane and significant moments was more important than constantly doing something exceptional.
Being “new” together at the same time fosters a unique camaraderie, despite having different backgrounds. I answered the questions of why Americans call it “college” instead of “university,” and my housemates gave me the rundown on what “cheers” means in different contexts. We laughed together about the confusing nature of British slang, and none of us felt uncomfortable asking for clarifications. It was nice knowing that no one would remember my embarrassing moments by bedtime. As much as I worried about standing out, nobody thought about me as much as I did.
However, this camaraderie was not instant. Not every dinner went smoothly, and not every dynamic was idyllic. The initial weeks of figuring out routines and boundaries were awkward but so worth it. Living with others forced me to be open and to admit when I was unsure or confused. In return, I received empathy and answers. But sharing a space became sharing life.
One of the best surprises of cohabitation is learning you don’t have to be best friends with everyone. Sometimes, you’ll really click with one or two mates and settle into casual coexistence with others, and that’s okay. As an introvert, I’ve also noticed that the quality of a friendship is more important than the quantity of friends. It’s more than enough if you live with three strangers and only click with one of them. Sincere friendships develop gradually and from unexpected places.
Housemates can slowly become acquaintances, casual friends or close confidantes. My secret is to avoid forcing anything. Although you will have opportunities for fast conversations and movie nights every day, spending a Friday night reading is also perfectly fine. You will make real friendships when they develop at their own speed.
Still, sharing a house as an introvert isn’t always easy. Sometimes there’s a push to join in on more activities than you’d like. Alone time is essential, and learning to carve out personal space in a busy house takes effort. Often, I’ll take myself to the city center and treat myself to a solo movie or a book in a cafe. Housemates who understand this quickly learn it’s not a dig but more so a necessary part of how I function.
Balance is crucial, so try to participate while respecting your boundaries and limits. Living with other people means that you have the option to opt in or out, and it’s important to remember that saying “no” is completely valid. True friends will respect your need to recharge. Communicate clearly and set gentle boundaries early on. You don’t have to take part in every activity to form genuine connections — the right people will make space for you as you are.
If you’re coming to the University of Michigan soon and don’t know anyone, don’t be afraid to choose a double room, place with flatmates or even pick a co-op. For introverts who seek isolation, studios and one-bedroom apartments may appear alluring, but too much independence might prolong the transition period. Prioritize being in spaces that foster shared experiences. With shared living, you may build a network, no matter how small, that will help you get through those initial daunting weeks. I never expected to find a chosen family so far from home, but that’s exactly what happened — just one meal, one conversation and one shared routine at a time.
Jovanna Gallegos is an Opinion Analyst on a year-long internship in Oxford, England. She writes about culture, technology and travel. She can be reached at jovanna@umich.edu.
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