Cody Ko and the fragile power of parasocial relationships

Content Warning: Mention of rape

My brother-in-law, Nic, and I used to bond over a lot of things. He was my saving grace and second best friend (behind my sister, of course) during the miserable summer I’ve spent home alone, checking in on me every day. We bonded over music (“Chill Bill” by Rob $tone, J Davi$ and J Spooks), food (pasta) and, most notably, our undying love for my sister (Madison Nicole). After he moved to another city, the things we were able to bond over became increasingly limited. One thing always brought us together, though: Cody Ko. Nic never answers his phone unless I send him something about Cody Ko. 

In the past month, Cody Ko’s character has come into question. About a month ago, at a live show for her podcast, Cancelled, Tana Mongeau alleged that she and Ko engaged in sexual activity when she was 17 and he was 25, although many across social media did not take her seriously. An unbelievable amount of victim-blaming ensued on social media to defend and salvage the reputation of the internet’s favorite white boy. It was only after a fellow creator, D’Angelo Wallace, published his video with extremely convincing evidence that people have started to take her seriously. Wallace thoroughly researched the situation, finding clips of Mongeau talking about the incident on her own podcast once again, and on Trisha Paytas’ podcast. Mongeau alleges that Ko was made aware of her age by Gabbie Hanna at Playlist Live and still continued to pursue her. If true, it is assumed that Ko and Mongeau had these relations in 2015 at Playlist Live in Orlando, FL. In the state of Florida, if anyone over the age of 24 engages in a sexual activity with someone either 16 or 17, it is considered statutory rape. 

I have seen very few creators that I follow, many of whom have collaborated with Ko, speak up about the allegations, despite them running in the same crowd. Brittany Broski posted on her Instagram story, calling the situation “disappointing” and “disgusting.” Out of Ko’s past collaborators, she is the only one to address it. With silence from the influencer community adding fuel to an already out-of-control fire, the online community has pointed out Mongeau’s vulnerability. It is no secret that Mongeau had a rough childhood, saying on MTV that she had two parents that were “unfit” in every sense of the word. All of these facts put Tana in such a vulnerable position, and yet, people are still defending Ko.

I don’t believe that the people defending him are bad people — they are loyal fans blinded by their love of Ko. His content brought people together. Look no further than myself and Nic. As a chronically online society, we have an incredibly raw look into influencers’ lives — or so we think. But the truth is: The jokes are pre-written. The vlogs are edited. Every single piece of content we, as fans, take in is curated. It has to be for it to be successful. No one wants to see a “day in my life” that is laying in bed and spending 12 hours on their phone. No one wants to see a “get ready with me” to go see my estranged parents. 

People want to laugh, people want to forget. Cody Ko and other creators gave them that ability; in the hardest times I leaned on his content to allow me to drown out the existential dread. Accepting that the real Cody Ko is not really the one you had a parasocial relationship with means facing reality. It means that the laughs were artificial. It means that the dread can no longer be drowned out. Even deeper than that, it means that the jokes we thought were only comedy could in fact just be Ko being flat out rude, rather than harmless fun. Losing Cody Ko’s online persona to the truth is like losing a friend. For me, losing a bridge between the states. 

Everyone knows Gen Z feels falsely connected to their favorite creators, but what about the real life connections formed at the hands of these creators? What about the internet friends made through fan accounts? What about the watch parties based around their favorite creators dropping new content? 

I think this is why many are willing to look past a creator’s moral incompetence — for the love of their real life connections strengthened by those creators and to maintain the escape from reality fostered by creators. The fact of the matter is, we are relying on a shiny, artificial glass diamond of an online identity whose motivations we will never truly know. Maybe they didn’t ask for this fame or didn’t know how to deal with it, but accidental success or not — we have no idea what they have done with their newfound power dynamic — the good possibly for views and the bad for no else but the victims. Nic and I will instead bond over our mutual aspirations to be perfect in the kitchen. That’s a bond not nearly as fleeting as parasocial respect.

Daily Arts Writer Sarah Patterson can be reached at sarahpat@umich.edu.

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