In preparation for the release of the first part of the third season of Netflix’s “Bridgerton,” I rewatched the first and second seasons of the hit series. In a world where dating often feels transactional and fleeting, the absence of courtship is a glaring departure from the long gone Regency-era romance present in the show. As I finished all 20 episodes, I found myself drawn to Bridgertons romanticized world and its potential to enhance dating in this day and age.
Reviving the art of courting could improve modern romance by restoring intentionality and respect to our dating culture. Courtship requires effort and respect, unlike what we do today. When swiping right has become a substitute for finding love, it’s easy to forget the allure of a handwritten love letter or the anticipation of a planned, thoughtful date. Embracing these practices doesn’t necessarily contradict feminist values; rather, it empowers individuals to pursue meaningful and lasting relationships. By fostering genuine connection and mutual respect, bringing back courting could enrich our modern relationships without compromising our values.
Bridgerton and classic rom-coms evoke a sense of nostalgia for a more romantic and deliberate approach to relationships. These stories captivate their audience with narratives of love and yearning, where every gesture is significant and every interaction is carefully planned. Courting practices — as shown in Bridgerton — like writing letters, planned dates and formal introductions play a role in building anticipation and emotional connection.
But sadly, writing a letter has been replaced by texting. The thrill of waiting for a handwritten note filled with heartfelt words like the ones out of a Jane Austen novel is something many have never experienced. In many cases, planned dates and formal introductions have been replaced by casual hangouts and impersonal online interactions in the present. Yet, these traditional courting practices help create deeper bonds, making each moment special and memorable.
Courting emphasizes intentionality, respect and clear communication of romantic interest — qualities often lacking in modern dating. With the rise of hookup culture, casual encounters have been prioritized over long-term relationships, impeding a deeper romance. The digital age has not only brought convenience and transformed how people meet and interact, but it has also led to a decline in meaningful connection. Swiping right and messaging on dating apps has become the norm, reducing potential partners to profiles on a screen. When the next option is just a swipe away, people don’t want to commit to each other because they fear they might miss out on someone “better.”
Of course, courting is an inconvenience. It requires time, effort and emotional investment, all of which could be fruitless if the courter is met with rejection. Modern dating, on the other hand, offers convenience. But it comes at the expense of emotional depth and genuine connection. The benefits of in-person romantic interaction far outweigh the convenience cost. Online dating, with its focus on superficial attributes, increases the likelihood of eventual relationship dissatisfaction. Many people who connect through dating apps don’t take the time to truly know each other, leading to shallow and short-lived relationships. So, if we want to create more meaningful connections in relationships, we’re going to have to sacrifice some convenience.
Every action in the courting process is deliberate and therefore meaningful. Planning a date involves thoughtful planning and effort, showing a potential partner that their time and company is valuable. Respect is inherent in the process, as courting often requires seeking permission and honoring boundaries. Furthermore, clear communication of romantic interest eliminates the ambiguity and uncertainty that characterize many modern relationships.
Although courting emphasizes intentionality and respect, inherently feminist values. Feminism is about empowerment. Traditional courting practices do not negate these feminist principles; the two can coexist by ensuring that the courting process respects both parties and their boundaries. It’s true that the past was marked with strict societal expectations, often limiting female autonomy and reinforcing male dominance. But reviving courting in the 21st century doesn’t mean reviving these outdated dynamics. Redefining traditional courting for the modern era means acknowledging its historical flaws while adapting to contemporary values.
Instead of perpetuating outdated gender roles, a more balanced approach can be created where both partners take turns in planning dates and expressing affection. Feminism advocates for equality between genders, and a modern form of courting can reflect this by allowing both individuals to share equal roles in planning dates and expressing their interest. We can borrow the intentionality and respect of past practices while ensuring equality and mutual respect.
Bringing back courting means embracing the romance of thoughtful gestures, meaningful communication and intentional dates. It’s about striving to create moments that make your partner feel valued and cherished. Modern courting doesn’t have to be a carbon copy of the past. We can adapt and innovate, blending traditional practices with contemporary sensibilities.
We can do this by rediscovering the joy of writing and receiving letters, putting effort into planning dates that reflect your partner’s interests and preferences, mindfully introducing your partner to your friends and family and being honest about your intentions and feelings. These practices can revive the excitement and anticipation that makes romance special. They contrast sharply with the fleeting and often superficial connections formed through quick swipes and casual encounters. We can live out our rom-com dreams while building connections that are deep, genuine and lasting.
Jovanna Gallegos is an Opinion Columnist from Lansing. She writes about technology, healthcare and things she finds interesting. She can be reached at jovanna@umich.edu.
The post ‘Dearest gentle reader,’ I miss courting appeared first on The Michigan Daily.
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